I always worry when I go several months between writing. It is a conflict in my mind and heart of: “do I have nothing to say?” or “am I really that busy that I can’t take 10-20 minutes to just sit down and write?” Of course, then I find that I really am blocked because it has been so long and I my brain is “out of shape” so to speak.
This week has been a growing and stretching week in almost every area of my life. First, family. We moved into our new home almost exactly a week ago. By the end of the day, I was tired and overwhelmed and couldn’t hardly form a coherent thought, let a lone sentence. Seeing that on my face, my mom offered to take my daughter home with her for a few days so I could get settled with a little more ease.
It was amazing how much I got done! In just two days alone, I had the majority of the boxes unpacked and began to put some of my personal touches up and on the walls. But, despite that, my husband and I were amazed at how much we missed our sweet girl.
She is almost 19 months old and is as clingy as she is independent. Her favorite word is “up” and being that I am 27 weeks pregnant, “up” is an exhausting and somewhat painful word for me. I love snuggling with her and I love to see her laugh as we run around and play. The same little things that we sometimes find irritating (the constant need to be held right now, for example) were the same things we were missing.
It’s nice to have those reminders. Especially with number 2 coming in just a few short months!
I also found myself being stretched in ministry. God and family are my priorities. One of the ways that I serve God is through working as the Girl’s Coordinator at our church. Anyone who asks me about it, I tell them that in a sense, the position is my dream job. I love working with girls and building relationships with them. I also love working details and planning events that can facilitate that very thing. In a nutshell, that is what a girl’s coordinator does.
My job itself is sometimes challenging, partially by my own doing (isn’t that always the case?). I work as a volunteer, and with that am allowed a lot of flexibility with what I do. At the same time, it creates a false sense of uselessness within me. Because I am not “on staff,” I begin to second guess if I am actually needed or where God wants me to be. When I am not leading anything or in charge of anything, I don’t know how I fit into the mix of others who are.
My challenge is to allow God to continue to grow me, so I can grow and develop other leaders within the girl’s ministry. It’s to not get so wrapped up in what I am or am not doing, but to see the ministry as a whole. I need to trust Him that as long as I am being sensitive to His leading and walking in the steps he is guiding me, I am exactly where I am supposed to be and doing precisely what I should be doing.
I am called to be a stay at home mom (which is the hardest job and task I have ever done), while being available to serve in ministry with the young ladies at our church. My calling is to be a mom first, to raise my family as God would lead my husband and I, and to reach out to teenage girls second.
My work-a-holic/perfectionist side would love to be hired on full time as a girl’s ministry coordinator. To be able to take time to focus on writing and looking up new ideas to suggest for our ministry. To take time on a daily/weekly basis just to sit and talk with these girls about what they are dealing with and what God is doing in their lives. But then, God has called me to stay at home for right now and I know, as I listen to my daughter talking to herself in her crib, just having woken up from her nap, or as I feel my younger daughter kick from inside my womb, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. God’s time table is not mine and he has reason for all things. And I trust him.
So for a challenging and somewhat stressful week, I am grateful. I have seen God work within our family, bringing us closer, and I have seen him do amazing things through other leaders stepping up and taking charge within our youth group. All for God’s eternal glory.