Over the past…however many ages it’s been since I’ve posted, I’ve had plenty that I’ve wanted to say and write. However, for one reason or another, it never happened. Recently, God has been revealing how selfish I’ve been with my time and energy lately. It’s a hard realization, though hopefully a wonderful growing opportunity.
You see, my husband has accepted a new job that will move our little family 15 hours away to the great state of Texas. Being a 5th generation Floridian, I’m not sure how to feel. There are moments that I’m excited and ready for the adventure and then there are moments that I want to crumple up and cry. Because I’ve always lived near family, I am hit with how much I have taken them all for granted. Where we currently live, I am less than 2 hours away from literally all of my family (excluding one aunt/uncle, and the cousins at college/in the military). My sister, brother-in-law, niece, nephew, my parents, my grandmothers, my aunts, my uncles, and a number of additional cousins. I love my family and I know without a shadow of a doubt that they love me and would do anything for me if I needed them.
In addition to blood family, is my church family. They have truly shifted from simply friends to family over the past 5 years that we have been a part of our church. They open their homes to us. Include us in their celebrations. And like I said about my blood family, I know that if we ever needed anything, they would be there for us without question.
I had a rough summer. Due to miserable side effect to a medication I was on (and am no longer on thankfully), I developed really weird mood swings. I turned inward to try to deal with it and all that managed to accomplish was frustrating myself and anyone who was around me (my poor husband). In doing so, I became blind to so much of what was going on around me. I missed the signs of joy and excitement in the lives of my friends. And now as they deal with loss, I am reminded how dear those precious moments are, especially when shared with the ones you love. I wasn’t a good friend and as I am nearing the time when I will be moving and have to actually work at these natural relationships. I lost sight of what was important in the relationships with my family, my friends, and with my children.
I know that there will be many challenges ahead as we sojourn to a new location, with new opportunities. But I also know that we have been called there by God and because we are obedient, he will bless us. I don’t think that God is revealing my selfishness to me to hurt me, but to allow me to grow and become a better wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, and friend. If I take this revelation with resentment, I won’t grow and improve. But if I allow God to soften my heart and open my eyes, I will continue to grow as his child in my spiritual journey to be more and more like Christ each and every day.