I am up to my ears in edits and self-doubt. I want to submit my manuscript next week, but every time I read through it, I find something new to change (shift, reword, delete). My mind races with all of the possibilities of “what if.”
What if no one buys it?
What if the people that do buy it are disappointed and never want to buy another one of my books again?
What if I fail?
Yesterday was an extremely trying day of doubts. While trying to take honest critique and improve, I found myself wallowing in my own self pity before any of my writing has even had a chance to garner the negative impact I was subconsciously bracing for. I want to grow and improve, but I also want people to like me (yes, even I can be a people pleaser in certain areas of my life).
What I was wanting to hear was an assurance of my skills, but what I needed to hear was an assurance of my identity.
Who am I? Well, I’m a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mom. I’m an avid Gator fan and a 5th generation Floridian. I’m a writer and a wannabe foodie. But more than anything, I am a daughter of the King.
My self-doubt wasn’t because I think I’m a terrible writer. I think I write jumbled thoughts that often times need to be unraveled, but I think I have good things to say. If I truly believed I was terrible, I wouldn’t waste my time and money to pursue my dream of being a successful author. My self-doubt was because in those moments, I forgot that my worth is not built upon my job. My worth is built upon my identity.
Satan likes to attack us in a number of ways. Temptation can take the shape of anything. Desire for money or esteem. Longing for companionship. Belief that we aren’t pretty enough or smart enough or good enough. But the real challenge is recognizing that all of those attacks and temptations are rooted in one thing: getting you to forget that you are so incredibly valuable that Jesus took the form of man, lived a perfect life, and then died a horrendous death to pay the penalty for you.
What I do is relative, but who I am is monumentally life changing.
Even if I fail, I am not a failure because God works all things “for the good of those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) The Bible is full of “failings” that God was able to redeem for His glory. Who am I to doubt what the power of God can do through my own life when I have the faith enough to believe?
Matthew 19:26 says, “With God ALL THINGS are possible.” I just need to remember and trust that. I am not working for man. I am not writing for man. I am surrendering my hopes and dreams and greatest desires to the will of God, knowing that His will is to bless me.
Who am I? I am a daughter of the King of the universe, Author of creation, and Savior of my soul. I am His, and I believe that I am solely who HE says I am. Forever.